u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
