"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
