Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
