she smelled like a LAN party
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
