I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
