I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
