I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
