We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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