things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How does one acquire holy water?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
