Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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