I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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