dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
