If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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