GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
