She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize