apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
oh god was she eating orange peels again
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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