One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
