I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
