i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
