Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
