Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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