Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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