Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
