i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
