and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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