how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
