do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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