This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
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