I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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