He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize