how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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