Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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