now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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