Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
