My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
