Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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