is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
