If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
