i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
