he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
