I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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