he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
