just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
