I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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