he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
