What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
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