Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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