then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
