shes about as inviting as chlamydia
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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