In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i've created a new STD.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
