my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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