I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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