the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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