So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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