Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She's JV to your varsity
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize