I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
