I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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