But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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