He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
where are my eyebrows?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
