you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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