Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize