did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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