Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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