So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
