He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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