she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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