Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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