Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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