So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Randomize
