I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
