please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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