Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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