I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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