I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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