Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize