I don't usually arrange sex via text message
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
