I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
