Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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