the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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