i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
