So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
