the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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