is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
