Christians are straight up FREAKS
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
