420 ftw
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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