hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She told me I should be a condom model.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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