hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
a search helicopter?!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
