I wish I could punch you in the face.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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