they need to just BURY HIM!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
