Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
