We're facebook friends in real life
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
