I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
