are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
