when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
