I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
