The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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