Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Please, let me fuck your mom
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
